Pregnancy update: I don't like this...
I feel the need to write about this, because I know I can’t be alone yet I don’t want to come off ungrateful. But I don’t like being pregnant. And I don’t know how to talk about it or explain it other than I feel trapped in my own body.
Not like when I was sick and inflamed and had all these formerly ‘unknown’ issues that made me sick and stuck, but more like, “oh my gosh, I am only half way almost - and I can’t stand this. I feel so gross and abnormal and I can’t even eat.”
I sometimes feel like I”m having anxiety attacks, I’m sure I am, where I all of sudden feel this onset of high high emotions come over and my body just feels FULL like freaking all the time, even if I hardly eat and even though I’m vegan for now and even though I eat just like before, but BETTER. I feel like I can’t do it, how I can get bigger and have to possibly pee even more than now?
Is this even normal? I literally have to pee like 4 times per night and when I go on walks, it’s nearly all I can think about, as soon as I leave I’m heading to the closest stop and then the next, it’s up to 3 times per walk now and again I’m 19 weeks.
What is hard is that I eat this healthy food and mostly it’s lunch and then I feel SO FULL that I don’t get hungry again, but most of the time I will eat again just because i WANT to even if it’s more veggies or a salad or some fruit and then I feel WORSE.
I can’t tell if I’m full, bloated, my stomach is growing or all of the above. I just want to be able to eat food and not feel tight in my stomach. Debating going on a juice and smoothie diet for the next 4 1/2 months….
I’m just not cut out for this. I feel like it’s a way long time too and I hate feeling like my bladder is being pushed on all the time. Like right now I have to go again and I just sat down.
Some women love being pregnant, I love feeling good. So I need to remember that one, I’m an emotional authority in human design and have all three waves, and feel ALL the feelings, two, HORMONES amplifying everything, and three, I just don’t like how I feel and so it makes me upset.
I’m definitely feeling sorry for myself right now, I”m probably in one of my low waves but I wanted to share where I was at, I’m sure other women can relate. Just know, you’re so not alone. And you can still be very grateful for the baby that chose you and is coming and not feel bad for not thinking pregnancy is the most magical time in your life.
That’s all. I’m going to put my feet up a wall now because #swelling.