How I finally lost those last 10 pounds
I’ve been feeling like a bit of a fraud you guys!
Not because I’m secretly eating Cheetos over here or binging on well anything or downing chocolate. I don’t like chocolate. I don’t like cupcakes. I don’t like pasta (unless it’s from zucchini or my other gorgeous options!) But while I have been and DO live the plant based food life day in and day out WITHOUT FORCE might I add. I literally actually do love the way I eat and love food and cooking and talking about food.
You get it. You know me. I’m not lying here.
BUT my own body, while still thin, hadn’t been MY ideal version for about two years now. And even saying THAT is a little weird for me, not for ME personally but to tell YOU. Because in the past I’ve had people tell me I’m too skinny, or I workout too much, or I should eat a burger.
In college I even had a roommate tell my sister I had an eating disorder and I didn’t, but I did have a control freak relationship with food back then, because it was when I first lost weight from my former 30 pound heavier self who knew nothing about food or getting in shape.
And while I would definitely say I was orthorexic back then meaning food and body obsessed, THAT part of my life is long gone. I have days where I don’t workout now, usually I work out 6 days a week or 7 but ask my family there were YEARS when I knew for sure that I didn’t miss ONE SINGLE DAY. And usually it was done and finished by 7am and if it wasn’t - I was grumpy.
Back then I looked at calories, I looked at fat grams, but funny enough I never looked at the INGREDIENT list or if I did I didn’t know what I was reading or why to care.
Now I do, now I know what I know and it’s literally impossible to for me to feel weird about food. I just know it now, and love how I eat. And I am CERTAIN in how it works in me.
And because of that, I had been really frustrated because besides all of this, peace with food and what and how I ate, I was still holding onto about 7-10 pounds of extra fat, ok I don’t really know the pounds because I don’t weigh myself but that’s what it felt like. And it was all on my legs and a little on my waist.
This had been driving me crazy. Do you know how it feels to eat a beautiful plant based diet and workout consistently in ways I love because I want to and love how it feels and NOT have the shape you want? UGHHHH it’s the WORST.
AND because I’m teaching on this, well that is all still well and good because I knew that it had NOTHING to do with how I was eating. And if you’re in this position now, then listen up, sometimes you need to get your mind OFF your food in order to get what you want.
I knew that my body was not telling me to eat more salmon, more blueberries or less of anything. It just was a non-issue, which is really cool and amazing to have no qualms with food, but THEN it almost felt HARDER right? Because omg if it’s not food, then what is it? and the bigger question - how do I CONTROL IT THEN?
Um yeah, you can’t be like that. Control is not the go-to word here. It’s more like release and surrender. I knew that the reason I was holding on to the weight had to do with a few things, all non food related.
One of them was being in my power. Owning that I was actually creating this body that I didn’t want. Why would I do that? Well great question and a great one for you to ask yourself if this is you too.
Mine had to do with how I feel when I’m in my light, thin body, the one where I feel like I can run super fast, and all my clothes fit exactly how I feel the best in them. It’s magnetic. I light up. I glow, I attract opportunities and people to me so easily. Yes maybe I’m attracting YOU. And that’s how we all are, when we are in alignment with all of ourselves including our physical bodies. You KNOW when it feels right or wrong.
So when I am like that, I know what I do. I can create things really easily, like being seen. And I know I am on FB lives and stuff and You Tube videos but I mean being seen the way I want to be seen, like in the media, in the press, on tv, on the Today show, writing books and having massive followers because I need to. To be the influencer in the food world I have to be and I am inside. To completely be able to reach the most people, the most children, the most parents and actually get them to notice what I’m saying so that they and you buy different foods, eat different foods and therefore have different healthy bodies and are free to live your best lives…..I need to be really SEEN.
And I did NOT want to be seen not feeling good in my body. So there it was. I was afraid of being that noticed. I was afraid of being that influential. Not just because I didn’t want to be on tv because I have been already and I DO and I am, but whenever you are up to big things, and saying things that go against the grain, then you put yourself out there for being rejected or even more than that, yelled at in a way, angry people who don’t want everyone to know that food heals and cures and changes things.
It’s already happened to me, yes online, yes on Facebook, yes in my family. I’ve had horrible emails sent to me. Once a woman wrote something about how her husband is a doctor and basically they didn’t believe ANYTHING I was saying about healing the gut YET somehow she was following me, on my email list and wrote in to apply for private coaching saying she wants to just see ‘how good I really am.’ UM BYEEEEE.
She didn’t make the cut.
I know that what I say isn’t popular to the mainstream public, or food companies or even farmers and that’s where my family came from. But I love the truth more than I will stay small anymore. I don’t hate farmers. I don’t hate fast food companies. I can’t hate anyone or anything because we are all connected and hate gets you nowhere, I can only guide you where TO GO instead.
I still don’t promote and won’t ever promote foods that I know will hurt your bodies and your kids bodies. I will never do that. That’s a promise I make to you. I won’t endorse a product with any of the ingredients I know cause harm.
So it’s funny right, that because I was afraid to be BIG or well known, I stayed small (and bigger physically). Protection. Hiding from my power.
And a little bit of guilt, do you have this too? Do you ever feel like you HAVE to work hard, sacrifice and struggle so that you EARN those results? And what if the way you eat, the way you workout is just so fun and easy, then do you deserve for your body to simply be what you choose?
YES. The answer is YES.
You and I and all of us deserve that.
Nothing is stopping you, nothing was stopping me other than my fear mind. Because my subconscious was and still has the job of keeping me safe. Not expanded, not growing, not influencing people in positive ways, but it thought I was going to die. Of fear. Of being seen. Of being yelled at, rejected, of going through difficult things with people who don’t like what I say.
Well thank you and your services here are no longer needed.
I can HANDLE IT.
I decided that I could handle it. I could handle criticisms, comments, angry emoji faces on my posts, people not liking me or what I say because the mission is bigger than me. I knew that the little voices in my head saying things like ‘you’re body is stuck, something is wrong, you better do a cleanse, or it doesn’t matter what you do just eat a bag of pretzels or ice cream’ were all the FEAR mind.
So as soon as I decided to understand this and to tell it to shut up over and over. I TOOK MY POWER BACK. And of course my body responded, because I already was doing the actions that are in integrity with me. Eating all my veggies and fruit, working out, drinking lots of water, running, walking, pilates, being outside, meditating, I already had given up all alcohol. And I kept future casting it in my journal day in and out. Meaning, I wrote this out as if it was already done.
I had been doing this for a long time and the first time I did it with my body was before Dalton was born and I dropped all the weight off my legs (easily) doing the exact same type of workouts and food as now. So you might ask what happened if I was there?
When he was born, I was so in love. But then I got lost for some time in the confusion of who was I now? What was my role? How did I do business and have a baby? It didn’t need to go on for as long as it did, but I felt like and did disappear from online for a good while. and then it’s simply how energy works, momentum gains and instead of everything flowing easily toward healthy, fit, thin and in shape, it flowed the opposite way, toward, stuck, heavy, ughh, i hate this.
I simply put it all together again with FOCUS.
There was NO QUESTION in my mind that I had to have my real body back.
Everytime the lie based thoughts popped in, I shut them down.
I did my workouts. I ate my foods. I drank my water. I meditated. I journaled. I felt it. I did my gratitude work specifically for my body.
The weight fell off.
Exactly as I wrote that it would. (ps I’ve done this before in another way too using other law of attraction methods). My face shape changed, my wrinkles disappeared, my skin started to glow again. Easily. Like I wasn’t doing anything but getting lighter and lighter, while I sat and worked, while I cooked dinners, while I walked outside. While I slept. While I WAS.
So here I am. Now not covered up. But it’s all good. Because I am ready to be seen, to be heard to be noticed. And all I do is focus on those little kids who don’t have access to healthy food today, all the kids in schools being fed refined flour, I focus on what I have to do and say and teach. And that’s enough. And so I am.