WHEN ALL THE THINGS THAT USED TO BE AND ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FUN JUST AREN’T ANYMORE
I remember this baby shower I went to. It was a group of girls married to my husband’s work networks and we are all around the same age, none of us early twenties or anything, and I usually only saw this group a few times a year at events or dinners.
I walked in and it was lovely and gorgeous and jars were filled with pink and white candy and cookies and just everything perfectly Pinterest. And as the day went on I sooner than later realized that I was the ONLY ONE there, besides the guest of honor who was pregnant that didn’t have ANY children. Let alone any babies.
I looked around and felt like everyone had friends and things to say and talk about - their kids. I heard it, I heard them referring to all of them and what they were doing or not doing and talking about family stuff. And then I thought about me, and us. How it felt that somehow we weren’t enough because it was just the two of us adults - but are we even, I still never felt like it.
I felt so awkard, so different, so ALONE. I had NO IDEA what they were talking about. I mean yes I had a niece and nephew or maybe only a nephew at this point but I didn’t REALLY know what it was like to have a baby of any kind. It felt like a whole other world, or worse yet, like a club, that I wasn’t allowed into. Remember reading the Bernstein Bear’s books? No GIRLS ALLOWED? I had that one. Brother bear and his friends never let sister bear in. And I wasn’t really IN because how could I be? You literally have to have a baby to be in that club. And it was just another not so subtle reminder that I most definitely was NOT in.
No one was meant to me, or doing anything on purpose. It was all my perception. So it was true and real for ME. I remember leaving as soon as I could after presents are opened and all the girls talk about how you just “have to have” their gift because it was the THING they LOVED for their baby or babies. And I had no advice I just used the registry.
I left as soon as I could and went home to my husband adn told him I was done. I just couldn’t go anymore. At my age, there were tons of baby showers, in my circle of best girlfriends, I hosted them, even though it made me so sad deep down, I just never acknowledged it. Because it hurts too badly when you do that. So I stopped going, and that’s ok, you get to do what you need to do.
It’s the strangest feeling I have had or been through. So strong that I emotionally detached. I pretended not to care, I hosted showers, I stopped thinking about it, I went on with my life. But I didn’t actually look at the thing for way too long. Or tell anyone how I really felt, because then, if i did I had to face this fear:
That maybe it was true.
Maybe I just wasn’t meant to have a baby.
Maybe something was different or wrong with me.
And maybe there was nothing I could do about it.
So I better just get over it and on with it so not to hurt anymore.
But actually, I didn’t know how NOT ALONE I was. I saw people I knew almost everytime I went to the dr. After I started to talk about it, more and and more people told me the same things.
Part of the work is seeing your truth. Seeing and being able to say what you want, what you desire, even IF someone else with letters behind their name might have told you it’s impossible, or a long shot, or you ar too old, or you just think it’s too late or too hard. IF you KNOW that you are meant to have a baby, then you ARE.
You don’t even know how many women I speak to who we get to this point in the conversation and they tell me they already know this - and they know if they have a little boy or girl waiting for them. I didn’t even know that - I just knew there WAS a baby somewhere someplace at some time.
Even THAT little tiniest inkling, that’s your intuition. You better believe it. And you better believe it’s right.
It doesn’t matter WHO or WHAT or WHEN you started to think it’s not for you, IF you know that it is. Then it is. It’s that simple.
AND you deserve to say it, and to feel it, and to be heard, and also to put yourself, mind and body in the BEST position to receive. To receive this baby in the way he or she is meant to arrive. There are ALWAYS things to do, to look at to shift to rearrange.
Trust me, I had NO idea all the areas my life/body/mind was off going into IVF, *IF* I had know then what I know now, it would have gone much differently, but that’s ok, because now I know. And I’m here for you.
I’ve opened up my private coaching just for this specific client. You might have stuff going on in your health and your body and I know you have thoughts and fears in your mind, but it’s ok, there is a way and you just need to get everything lined up with exactly what you want.
Message me, email me or DM PM or whatever me if you know this is true, and you know there is a baby for you….